Openly Humble, Admitting a Mistake

No matter how open I feel I am with people now, a part of me works strenuously to maintain a public image. Truths that expose weakness in me to the point of wondering if I'm still lovable are to unbearable to think of, nonetheless speak of! While maintaining an image and keeping some things private is functional, especially in the professional realm, I am ready to open myself up even more. I have gut reactions to hide at times and now I've begun to realize when that happens and ask myself why I hide. Sometimes within minutes I can auto-correct and "come clean." When I exaggerate a story or say something I know isn't true I can quickly say, umm... that's not what I meant, what I mean is... Or make a joke of it! (my favorite) I've found that when I can do this I actually feel closer to the person and I think it is reciprocal.

And when I've found out that a younger me has kept a hurtful secret for way too long I ask my adult self to have the courage to stand up and admit I was wrong. Some part of me doesn't want this, still. But I know the only way I can step into my fullest womanhood is to shed light on the areas I've folded into darkness.

Expression and Creativity

Today I went to Lenz Arts and picked through hundreds of canvas options and came home with two of the largest that would fit in my car. As soon as I got my car unloaded and food in me I sat down to paint and didn't get up until the canvas was covered. I wonder if I should be painting with a goal but for now I'm enjoying opening up paint colors and trying different brushes and seeing what comes out of me. Somehow I still know what to do next and when it is finished. I'm glad to have my creative side back and to have inspiration and discipline to do the art.

Love Heart Medicine

What is love? Countless answers, contradictions, and struggling for understanding. A pure spark of joy. An aching, throbbing pain. An immersive bliss. Staring into the divine, looking God in the face, dancing with Creation. Attachment. Connection with other. Respect for self. Powerful. Vulnerability. Rawness, Richness, Aliveness. Full body breathing. Giving up trying to comprehend. Trying again in desperate search for answers. Realizing the futility of attempting control. Giving in to the dynamic fluidity of love's grace.

Brother Love was a man at Rainbow Gathering who would ask hundreds of people each year, Love is...? He handed out printed sheets of the answers from the previous year.
http://theworldaccordingtochinacat.wordpress.com/tag/rainbow-gathering/

I believe our task as humans is to return again and again to living in love. Life will continue to dish out opportunities for us to be in love and it's our calling to learn how to say yes!