I accepted support. Yesterday I was challenged facing money issues, namely, that my credit card is maxed out and my accounts were empty. In the past many months I have been on the verge of not enoughness and always tip over (thank you Universe!) to abundance just when I need it most. So worrying about money was not unfamiliar to me and I was working yesterday on calming my mind so I could enjoy the company of my beloved. I wasn't really able to shake off the stress and my company could tell. Finally I just said, "I'm stressed about money." Phew, that felt pretty good. Yeah, I'm struggling with this issue and I'm not really present right now.
What my partner responded with was, "I can give you money, I can help you." I immediately started shrinking and turning away. Negative self-talk flooded me and it said: you can't borrow money, not from him, he doesn't really mean it, he'll regret it, you'll regret it if you take it, that's just more debt you'll be in, why can't you get your financial shit in order like him? Wow, here my sweetheart was offering me a gift and my psyche responds quite rudely! The moment passed and we left the issue to rest for a while.
Until I checked the mail! I got a letter from the IRS and immediately, my heart was pounding. There was that stress again. It was like another test of my good will. I open it and receive the disappointing news: I owe them a lot of money and they haven't responded to my appeal and now there is a deadline quickly approaching. My honey knows I struggle with money and that I'm going through a conflict with the IRS. He gets off the couch, comes to me, reads the letter with me, and says, "It's going to be okay. If you want, I can pay that for you." I'm in disbelief. This is thousands of dollars we are talking about, not just groceries and gas money. We talked it over; I was able to stay calm enough to have a reasonable conversation and express my distress. He made some observations and kept present with me throughout the discussion. We reached a conclusion that he would pay a portion of the amount due (the part I do believe I really owe the IRS) and we would wait to see what their response was. I told him I was having a hard time accepting his offer of money. He asked why and I divulged my inner critic. I said, "I'm going to need some more money to make it through this week. I feel supported by you and grateful. I want to contribute money to our relationship too. Thank you for supporting me right now." And that was that, we moved on to enjoy our evening!
Wow, I am so proud I could pay a large IRS debt on borrowed funds and not have more than $10 to my name and still feel great about my life, my relationship, and my self! Awesome progress!
PS: I got a notice of an attempted IRS letter delivery at my house for me and I betchya it's them saying I don't owe the rest of the money!
What's your progress yesterday? this week?
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