Ease in Transition

Today is the final day of the 7 day cleanse. Because I had a juice everyday I don't feel the violently hungry but still I'm beginning to make the transition back to solid food. I had an orange juice with yogurt this morning: orange julius! Yum! My body doesn't feel malnourished or dehydrated and yet I know I still need to gradually build up my strength and digestion. It's a challenge for me to take things easy but I know that putting in the right preparation makes everything after that much better.

Zing!

Just downed a 16oz. orange juice that I fresh pressed. Zing! Like whoa! My body is waking up! Every cell seems to be responding with more energy. My stomach has started working again, producing enzymes and movement. There's a lot of work to be done this week, especially before Burningman, which I leave for on Thursday. I try to stay focused on the moment and the task at hand. Today is day six of the cleanse and I feel refreshed this morning.

Hunger

Hunger drives us. It is a great power when a human has a desire for something, she is propelled forward in the search for it and on the way learns new things and eventually, hopefully, finds satisfaction. Those uncomfortable moments, eye glances from a stranger, holding your breath or a yoga pose, hunger pangs, are powerful growing moments. When we can take the time to go deep into these moments, we come out renewed, wiser, closer to understanding. When we shy away from them constantly our selves shrink and the limitations of life seem to hover overhead.

Today is day 5 of the cleanse. I feel hungry, and weak. My muscles are aching and my mouth is salivating. Thoughts of ending early and eating solid food tempt me. But I know that the body is chemically changing. My thyroid and adrenals are learning to cope. My liver is releasing months of toxins. My body begins to circulate stored fat. I went on a hike yesterday and a walk today to tell my muscles not to start breaking down. My strength and functionality are teetering so that I slip into an altered state. Talks of spirituality are frequent. I moved furniture and got rid of things. I've been confronting areas of my life that have felt handicapped and unattended to.

I'm starting to have fear of how I'm going to face the next couple of days, more cleansing and more dealing with what hasn't been working. Talking to others about issues. It's exhausting and easily circumnavigated but now it's necessary for me to move on and grow in the best way.

Presence

With so many things on my plate it is tempting to wander in thought and scatter myself. Today I find presence, focus. Getting through one task is a major accomplishment. How many things are half done because I anxiously move on to the next? Forgetting to enjoy the tea, rushing through a goodbye with a friend, worry about the unfinished business. Waves are a pattern that have come up recently. Waves of deepening and then resurfacing. Waves of joy and then sudden sadness. Waves of pain followed by greater ease. Waves of movement and stagnation. I tried surfing once and didn't like it. I got tossed around and felt that I had no direction. I would consider trying it again, with lessons. Life waves are ones we must all surf. We do get tossed around but there isn't much more to do than go with it or get better.

Today is day four of the week long cleanse. I'm feeling a bit slow and tired but happy and alive. I went to the hot tubs yesterday and sunbathed and sat by the beach. I got some clothing for Burningman. Today I'll go on a hike in beautiful Nisene Marks.

Reconnecting

It doesn't take long to reconnect with our bodies, the healing waters, and deep wisdom. After a day of cleansing I already feel clearer. I feel as though I can see better. I feel more comfortable in my body. I'm facing issues that have been lingering in the background for months. I even called the IRS today to work out a discrepancy on my taxes. There are still some areas that feel clouded. I suppose there's nothing more I can do than surrender; even fog is a signal.

Our Body's Primal Inteligence

I'm writing after more than a year of blog silence. I'm sitting here with a caffeine withdrawal headache, congested nose and ears, sore throat, in my pajamas, at noon. I could easily blame myself for getting sick, for returning to coffee after a year and a half hiatus, for overdoing it on the travels. Instead I realize how wise this body is. An automatic wake up call that only goes off when I need it. The headache and pain is toxic waste, physical, mental and spiritual, leaving. I know that thousands of cells are repairing themselves right now, repairing me. And other cells are silently escorting away anything stagnant, malign, or unnecessary.

In the pain of life I can see newness and act creatively towards vibrance again. Every so often it's time to create a new self. A new identity, relationship, home, job, diet, routine, friends, communication style, hobby. My life slips into the mundane and I feel as though I'm doing well in my accomplishments and appearances. But the fire inside is only chugging along mechanically, without inspiration. Until the machine slowly halts and my self within agonizes over what went wrong and the point of it all. Until my spirit within wonders at the ever available opportunity to create anew.

I'm starting a cleanse today. Not only a cleanse away from food and focused on body detox, this cleanse is washing away the grime and muck of resistance and separation and healing the innocent drive towards affection and play.

Last night I slept for eleven hours. I am now entertaining the variety of housing options for Burningman, which I embark on next Friday, at the end of the cleanse. I juiced apples and mixed in spirulina and drew a face steam bath. I'm going to pray with my prayer partner in a few minutes. I don't think I'll leave the house today. Except maybe my usual walk around the neighborhood.